struck_out | 003 Video

003 Video

[Looks like Leon's hit the road again. The video shows him with sitting down with his back leaning back on a tree, as he practices a few simple chords on the guitar. It...looks like there's some improvement since his last video; at least he can play the simplest chord progression without error.

He strums the guitar idly, almost seemingly lost in thought before he turns to the gear and properly addresses it.]

Well it's been a great week. And by great, I mean fucking terrible. A friend woke up from one of those comas and went completely nuts because his brother died back home, and of course I had to suggest to him that he should go hang out with said brother to feel better because I didn't know what had happened. And then I pissed off the heir to the biggest and most dangerous yakuza families from my home. He's probably searching for me right now so if you see my body floatin' in the river you'll know why.

I also got fired from work 'cause I yelled at a customer but I was jus' so wound up from everythin' that happened that I jus' didn't have any fucks left to give, so if you're the one I yelled at then sorry, but you really have no business bein' a Pokemon trainer if you can't tell the difference between an Antidote and a Burn Heal. Damn things are already colour-coded, and there's a no refund policy so don't come crying to me.

So yeah. All in all it's been shit. Real shit. Just can't catch a break, can I?

Anyway, if you're watchin' this and if you're not too bored or busy...tell me somethin' funny. Or somethin' interestin'. Somethin' that makes you happy. I don't care, just...somethin' that'll be a break from this fuckin' week 'cause I am just done.

[Leon's just about to switch off the Gear, when he suddenly remembers.]

Oh yeah to everyone back at the house, sorry I forgot to leave a note but I'm leavin' for a few days, maybe weeks. Lemme know if ya need me for anythin', but other wise I'm gonna go an' grab some badges. Might be back by March. Will let you know.

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[It's unseasonably warm, so Blake is out at the park. As one hand hits the button to turn on the phone, the screen catches him tossing a tennis ball out into the distance. He doesn't follow all of what the punk kid says, but one part jumps out.]

This friend of yours who just got out of the coma, he wouldn't happen to have bright red eyes and yell a lot, would he?

[He shakes his head as an Arcanine trots up and deposits the tennis ball in his lap.]

Nah. I can't exactly see you and Isshymaroo getting along.

U-uhm. [She wasn't sure really what to think of the post in it's entirety. None of it is really her business, except perhaps the fact that Kuzuryuu may apparently try to kill him? But he wanted to hear something funny. And she knew a couple of jokes. And...Leon was really nice to her.

OKAY!! Medical humor is go!!!!]

Th-this...this old man visits his doctor. And after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" The patient replies, "Give me the bad news first," so the doctor nods and does so.

"You have cancer and I estimate that you have about two years left to live."

"Oh no," exclaims the patient, "That's awful! In two years my life is going to be over! What kind of good news could you possibly have for me after that?"

"Well," the doctor begins, "you also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you'll forget everything I just told you."

[There are a couple of giggles from her after she finishes her joke.]

Shows what you know old man.

[ Leon is a little too tired to be snarky at this point though, so he sounds more weary than rude. ]

You know'im?

[ OK she wins a slight chuckle from him. ]

Hey looks like Miss Gloomy's got a sense of humour after all! Not bad. It's a lil' depressin' cause the old guy's got it bad, but at least you can't say his doctor didn't try to cheer him up with a joke! Thanks.

[She tries. She seems to brighten up just a little bit when he thanks her, glad that her knowledge helped someone.]

S-sorry...medical humor tends to be a little dreary. But it's better to laugh in the face of death when you work in the field, I think. And I think other nurses and doctors probably feel the same way, seeing as it's a common theme in jokes and stories. I-I can try and think of a less depressing joke if you'd prefer...

Maybe? I don't know if I want to laugh when I'm about to die. Dying's...pretty scary. But I guess if doctors and nurses have to see people die every day, they need something to help lighten things up a little. Otherwise things will always be down an' depressin'.

Tell me another medical joke, an' then I'll tell you a baseball one!

Yeah.

[He throws the ball again. The Arcanine goes yapping off.]

I figure'd somebody'd died, going by how he looked. I didn't know it was his brother.

Oowada's not his actual brother, but he calls'im that 'cause they're close like real ones. Don't ask me how it happened, I ain't got no clue how Mr.Rules ended up bein' buddies with the SHSL Bike Gang Leader.

Oh Wad? That punk with the stupid hair? You gotta be kidding me.

So the serial killer got him, huh.

[Blake looks out at the bounding dog for a while, remembering the silent appearing on his phone. How do you stop hating yourself?]

Hey. You wanted a story, right? Something funny.

Oowada, not Oh Wad. An' I ain't kiddin' either. I was just as surprised as everyone else, 'cause I'm from before they became friends.

If you got one, then sure go ahead. I can't promise I'll laugh though.

Edited 2014-01-17 09:09 (UTC)

So he's dead, but he's not because he's here...[Blake growls, making the Arcanine tilt its head quizzically as it comes back with the ball] I can't follow this shit.

[Forget it. That's what he's out here to do, isn't it? And because the dog had been whining and pawing his knee, going arc arc arc.]

Okay. So this once. The station keeps getting calls from this old lady, real worked up about something. She's saying somebody's after her. We finally get her to give some details, and you know what she says it is?

A laser assassin.

[Tsumiki nods, shifting a little. He wants to hear another one? Okay.] O-okay.

A professor watched while a mechanic removed engine parts from his car to get to the valves. A surgeon, waiting for his car being repaired, walked over to observe the process. After they introduced themselves, they began talking and the talk turned to their lines of work.

"You know, doctor," the professor said, "I sometimes believe this type of work is as complicated as the work we do."

"Perhaps," the surgeon replied. "But let’s see him do it while the engine is running."

[Again, like before, she giggled after the joke was over. And then she looks at him expectantly.

Your turn, Leon.]

[Alright, now it's Leon's turn. Clearing his throat, he pulls out one that he hasn't used in awhile, but only because it was maybe a little too morbid. Seeing as death was already being laughed at here though, maybe it was fitting to try it on her.]

Right well, there are these two guys right? They're buddies from waaaaaay back, an' they've been playin' baseball all their lives. Anyway one of the guys falls sick an' they both know he's not gonna make it. His friend goes to see'im and says, "We've been pals for years, an' I'm hopin' you're OK with me askin' but if you could, tell me if there's baseball in heaven." The dyin' dude says "Sure, we're friends right?"

Anyway the guy dies a few days after that, an' his friend carries on for a few more days. Then one night he sees his dead friend in a dream. His friend says to him, "I've got good news an' bad news. Good news is that there is baseball up here in heaven. Bad news is that you're on for a game this Wednesday!

[Leon laughs a little at the end; that one used to be one of his favourite jokes when he was younger and not so anti-baseball.]

Let's just keep things simple an' say that he's not dead, alright?

[Because Leon really doesn't want to think otherwise.]

...the fuck? Why?

Anybody you can see and talk to is alive by my book.

[He leans one elbow on his knee as he gets into the story.]

No fuckin' idea, but she cared enough to come by in person. Little old lady. She said they'd been after her for years, and all her wrinkles came from laser radiation. Said she used to be an "apple-cheeked German girl." Now, my way of thinking is if these guys have been trying to kill her with lasers for years and only made her older, they're not real good at it, but who am I to tell them how to do their job?

Christ, she wouldn't leave us alone. She kept demanding something she called an "air shield." The weirdest part was, she said she'd gotten it from us before. It started to come together when she told us she'd always talked to the same guy. He'd retired not long ago. So we called him up, and it turned out what he'd been doing was, when she called to freak out about crazy bullshit, what he did was he made some beep-boop-beep noises and he said, "There you go, ma'am, got your air shield all set up."

Oh, but so then she still won't leave us alone, so some other guy gets a bright idea. He says lady, you say you're hanging around Chestnut Hill? That's an affluent area. Around there, these rich guys, they got their own municipal air shield already.

She looks him in the eye and she says, "Mister, that's the craziest thing I ever heard."

Aw Kuwata-chi, you shoulda stopped by my room to say goodbye dude! I coulda gave you some good luck charms for the road!

[He wouldn't be lying if he said he won't miss Leon being around the house too. What's he going to do without his wingman?]

I don't blame you for wanting to get away though. It's been insane around here.

Did you seriously piss off Kuzuryuu though? That's...whoa, dude.

["Whoa" is basically all he can think of because man Leon you fucked up.]

[OK, that was pretty funny. Leon laughs and shakes his head.]

That poor ol'lady. S'nice of you guys to try an' play along with her though.

Yeah, I just kinda wanted out fast. I just grabbed some clothes an' stuff I needed for travel. I didn't know if you were still asleep but I couldn't wait. Sorry.

[Leon grimaced and stuck his tongue out with distaste.]

How the fuck was I supposed to know that the heir to the most dangerous yakuza family in Japan was some pi-

[Oh, whoops, this is still public isn't it? Leon just manages to catch himself before he lands himself in further trouble.]

...anyway. Yeah. So I thought I'd get outta Goldenrod before he got here.

[Blake's laughing too.]

We were trying to get her to leave us the hell alone. We ended up having to threaten to arrest her for nuisance calls. You wouldn't believe the kind of crap people call the police over.

You're a cop? Here, or at home? 'Cause I gotta say that while I'm likin' the look of the Jennies, it's creepy that the entire police force here shares the same face. It's a pretty face! But still creepy.

It's all good, dude. Maybe I can send something through the box system! Or I could get Hachidori to bring it to you...she hasn't tried a delivery mission yet. Maybe it could be good for her!

[But knowing the Sigilyph, she'd probably get lost somehow.

To the whole Kuzuryuu business, Hagakure just shakes his head with sympathy.]

Nah, I totally get it. I'm kinda freaked out by him myself, but for other reasons. I mean, having a dude from the yakuza in the house is a pretty scary thought!

[Not to mention he had yakuza people chasing him back home but haha not talking about that.]

...yeeeeaaah. Box system sounds better. We can't actually guarantee Hachidori's not gonna drop the stuff at the wrong place, or maybe even get lost.

Oh my God is he stayin' with us? The hell? Last time we wanted to invite Nanami-san over there was this massive fight, but we just let the yakuza right into our doorstep? I think we need to get our priorities straight here!!

Home. They don't make the short skirts for here in my size.

I've been trying to figure out the deal with them the whole time. I figure it's plastic surgery or something.

[...you're a mess, dude.]

I'm traveling right now, too. Where are you going?

Well, let's see here...my friend's Gengar, Aku, he's quite the accomplished opera singer. He wakes us up in the morning with his rendition of Nessun Dorma. His trainer isn't as appreciative of his talents, but I think it's funny.

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is it ok to handwave that he knows she's the SHSL Nurse?

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You bet!

Awesome, thank you!

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